


I Can't Really Think Right Now In This Place

by Rine3195



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Family Dynamics, Gen, Good Brother Dipper Pines, Good Sister Mabel Pines, Mabel Pines Is Awesome, Older Dipper Pines, Older Mabel Pines, Older Pacifica Northwest, Poor Dipper, pacifica is not subtle at all, yeah so this is me projecting onto Dipper lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rine3195/pseuds/Rine3195
Summary: After that first summer, Dipper misses home. More than he can even express. So I try to do it for him.Can you believe the twins are 21? Me neither.
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Everyone, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Pacifica Northwest/Dipper Pines
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	I Can't Really Think Right Now In This Place

Missing a place is hard. It eats you up inside and keeps a hold on you. Like a wire, comforting and holding for a time, but strangling when you're too far. It's an ache in your chest, telling you t _his is not where I'm supposed to be_ , it's wondering where you _are_ supposed to be.

  
He wonders sometimes where he is supposed to be, even though, from the bottom of his heart, he knows.

  
He doesn't feel right, back at "home," after that summer. There was a small hole in his heart that he felt as the bus drove away from the town. She noticed, but didn't say a word, just squeezed his shoulder in the way sisters do.

She knows he misses the town and the people more than anything in the world. But what can she do, except try to cheer him up? So she tries. It's what she's known for, cheering people up and trying. She tries, and she succeeds for a time, but he always falls back into his old cycle.

  
They still get nightmares, ones that make them wake up in cold sweats, and a lot of times, they wake up screaming. It's always the same memories, the wood statues, the shapeshifter turning into a twisted monstrosity of both of them, worlds crumbling around them. Abandonment, loneliness, always a triangle. They comfort each other as best as they can. They still share a room as they get older, and their parents don't understand why. And despite the nightmares, the scars, they still yearn for the town. How can you miss something that hurt you so much?

  
Their parents don't understand. Or don't try to. He prefers to think it's the first one, for his sake. They know he wants it back, but they tell him no. _It's too dangerous_ , they say. _You might be okay now, but I'm not having you go through whatever you went through again. You're just kids._ He knows they're right. He protested a few times, but ultimately couldn't do anything. She was less forgiving, a rage of fire and fury towards their parents that never truly faded.

And yet.

  
And yet, it was never gone. Never really.

  
Their uncles FaceTimed that first Christmas back, regaled them with wild stories of the Arctic Ocean and sea monsters. Their parents laughed, saying their uncles must be losing their minds. But they knew it was real.  
(A letter arrived for them from the boat, with a picture of a tentacled sea monster enclosed.)

The day their parents allowed them to have phones, the first numbers she inputted were the phone numbers of her friends back in town. They talked almost everyday.  
He had numbers to enter, but they never talked much, only with occasional updates about each other's lives. There was no link connecting him to the town. Or so he thought.

She was the one who reached out first, strangely enough. The girl he had once regarded as the biggest priss in town. She had been humbled by everything, told him she was working at the town diner. They ended up talking for hours that first night. Her father and mother were rebuilding their wealth from the bottom up, and she didn't want any part of it. She was thinking about living with the diner's owner. He told her how much he missed the town, and she gave him updates on everything. They talked almost every day after that.

The first time he video called her, he was shocked at how different she looked. Her blonde hair was cut short, only to her shoulders. She was wearing less makeup and he had no idea she had freckles. He thought she was gorgeous.

_(And no, he didn't think about her beautiful smile and equally gorgeous blue eyes late at night why would he?)_

But the problem is, once you get even the slightest taste of what you miss, the yearning for it grows. He wanted to go back and run through those mysterious woods and find monsters and hunt ghosts. It was all he wanted.

As he got older, things got better. He made some friends that were just as interested in the supernatural and extraordinary as he was, got a girlfriend who listened to his ramblings.  
_(He thought he saw her face fall when he told her the news, but that was just him being ridiculous. She had no reason to be upset. Right?)_

The ache in his chest faded to a dull throb, persistent, but he could ignore it. He felt at home again.

And then, just like that, it all came tumbling down. He told his friends about the town and they didn't believe him. Not about anything. Not even when he showed them the very strange, almost unexplainable scars. But they could explain it. Or thought they could. He had hurt himself, and then to dodge the shame, made up a story. But they weren't naive. He couldn't fool them.  
He lost them all, one by one. Then his girlfriend.

  
That night, he had a nightmare for the first time in weeks, and he woke up screaming. She couldn't even calm him down. No one could.

He felt lost, spending as little time with his family as possible, staying on the nearby beaches, documenting every specimen he saw. She brought him food and kept him company, even helping with his notes. The company was nice, though he'd never admit it.

He thought about running away, when he was about sixteen. He'd had another nightmare and woke up quickly and quietly. He pressed a hand to his forehead, waiting for his breathing to slow, and the idea hit him.

_Why not run away?_

He genuinely considered it. Then, he took one look over at his sister, asleep in the bed next to his. Her breathing was slow, peaceful. He promised her they would grow up together, that day in her world. He meant it. What kind of brother would he be if he broke that promise?

He rolled over and went back to sleep. The next morning, when she woke him up, he hugged her so tightly she could barely breathe.

Their uncles joined them for Christmas, a little bit older, and not too much wiser. The brothers had brought back weird presents from the places they visited, and also presents from their friends back in town. It was a practically perfect day. His uncle set the kitchen on fire trying to make Christmas chicken, they sacrificed a dish towel to the fire, and the chicken was strangely delicious.

The years dragged on. He threw himself into school, earning top grades in math, science, and history. She threw herself into art, making sculptures, paintings, short movies, everything. She went out for track and became the second fastest runner on the school team. And everything dragged on, until it started going fast.

Final exams taken, college essays written, acceptance emails received. He got into a school in California that allowed him to study symbolism. She got into an arts college in California. They were still gonna be close, just apart.

On graduation day, after they received their diplomas, threw their caps in the air, they had a fight with their parents over the town. They were seventeen, and they _had_ had fights over it, but not for years. And never like this.  
They wanted to go. Nothing could stop them now.

The siblings snuck out, left a note. They packed light, only three bags between them. He rummaged through his lab intern earnings and she looked through the shoe box under her bed, filled with coins and bills.

They raced down the stairs as quietly as they could, her pet pig right on their heels. He was just as anxious to return.The siblings ran to her car, threw their bags in, buckled the pig in, and sped off.  
He started laughing. It had been years since he felt like he was going on a real adventure. They sang along to their favorite 80s hits at the top of their lungs and it felt like what they, as kids, had hoped teenage life would be like.

  
They almost missed the bus, but they had run, shoving the pet pig into her backpack as they did, laughing so hard their sides hurt.  
They had grabbed enough money for two tickets and ran on the bus, collapsing in a seat near the back. The bus was almost completely empty, the driver an exhausted looking teen. It smelled disgusting.  
And it was perfect.

  
He looked over at his sister and could see her almost see her back when they first boarded the bus, six years ago. And she looked so different and yet so similar to how she had been. Her hair was shorter, pulled back in a braid. Her braces were gone, teeth still blindingly white. And instead of a brightly colored sweater, she was wearing a colorful tank top she had made herself. But her ever cheerful smile was still there, the optimism and sunniness fully intact.  
He looked different too, taller and stronger than he had ever been. He was trying to grow a beard, despite both his sister and his friends in town saying it looked awful. He thought it looked awesome. It didn't. He wore a red flannel, but kept his signature baseball cap, hiding his forehead. The bus rolled away from the station, and his watch beeped. It was midnight.  
She soon fell asleep, her pig resting in her lap. He leaned against the window and sighed. He had no clue what he would find in town. Would there even be any monsters and ghosts left? Would she still have feelings for him? Had the shack burned down?

That was ridiculous, a ridiculous anxiety filled thought, but it could have happened with his friend in charge.

  
He didn't know what would change, but he looked back over at his sister, still asleep, and remembered that they would be facing it together. The thought made him smile.

So Dipper Pines sank back into his seat, let everything wash away, and closed his eyes.  
He was going home.

**Author's Note:**

> My Gravity Falls playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1YqBvs2dFlUtFZ0qvg9g9Z?si=PkMULG19QdS7QCxTBTPq3Q  
> My Dipper Pines playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0PFuLHd3ic56LAb5M8sxps?si=pTPJsrKOTRK3Od6VLWYvqQ  
> My Mabel Pines playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/02aOGGANCpfac9Ul7SPCe4?si=7HwqX3cvTFelSMibXGBg1g  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
